stuck
You're here. So am I.
A year ago I took on a project. Solo. Ambitious. Within my capabilities but outside my comfort zone. It started well. Then it didn't. The slip became a slide, the slide became an avalanche. When the plates stopped spinning, they all fell.
By mid-2024 I was so far down I couldn't see the light. The shame from one failed project trickled into everything. I couldn't send an email. I couldn't open my laptop. No task was too small that I could not defer it.
I kept myself busy with military-grade procrastination dressed up as important projects. I looked productive on the outside. I was drowning on the inside.
Too much time. Too much shame.
Then I bought an old mattock from a market stall and started hacking at a mud bank in my garden. One pick at a time. Fill the bucket. Walk across the garden. Empty. Repeat. I moved an earthbank that no groundworks company would touch. I still couldn't send an email.
I learned that whatever my issue was, it wasn't laziness. I had proven that.
Twenty months later, twenty days ago, something cracked open. Prompt decks led to Claude, Claude led to ideas, ideas led to shipping, shipping led to dopamine, dopamine led to more shipping. And here we are.
Still stuck. Just seeing it clearly now.